omg. what the fuck. so much shit has happened i dont know where to start. well let me just start with what just happened. im sittin in my room waiting on brittany to get off work and mom comes in my room and says, "when are you leaving" im like, i dont know. brittany doesnt get off work until 12 or so. shes like, "damn it ciara.. what the hell are you doing? you have to be up and ready to go to work tomorrow at 720." im like, i know! ive done it before. and she starts yelling at me "i think youre on drugs" im like what!!! you think im on drugs??  she says "yes i think youre on drugs to stay awake.. i think youre on drugs and drinking." im like, omg!! i can go on two or three hours of sleep! i do it all the time! shes like, "no you cant ciara. you go out everynight and party all the time. i think you are on drugs..so you better stay at his house tonight since you are leaving when youre supposed to get in" im like whatever. im not on drugs. she keeps tellin me that too.. and tonight at dinner i was staring into space and i was like, ahh i cant stop staring into space.. she says "thats all you ever do anymore." im like, i dont stare into space all the time... shes fuckin going crazy on me cause she cant stand over me all the time and watch my every move.. more or less make my everymove for me. then she tells me im lucky they havent kicked me out. omg. you know what.. fucking kick me out. id be better off living out on the streets with my negative bank account than living here with her.. im always fucking depressed because of her. shes never nice to me. shes always fucking mean and putting me down. shes told me almost every day this summer that im stupid. what the hell. parents arent supposed to tell their kids theyre stupid no matter what. i wish i could just move out. too bad i dont have any money at all.. at all. i took all the money out of my savings and put it in my checkings so i could get tires and then i got declined at steak n shake.. so i called the bank to see why i was declined. i had just put three checks in there. and she told me i was - 38 bucks. and i would be charged if i didnt have it in there by the deadline. the deadline was 2:00 that day.. monday. i didnt have anything. and i dont get paid till friday. so im gonna be charged out the ass. which sucks. cause i owe insurance tomorrow.. and mom told michael not to pay it.. and he said there would be late fees.. and she said i dont fucking care. she can pay them. insurance is 80 alone.. the bank charges are going to be around that.. its like, 25 a day i think and it will be about 4-5 days depending on when the check gets in.  and then i owe bs 45 bucks for paying for me when my card gets declined. once for warped tour tickets and then at steak n shake. its really starting to get to me. plus i have to get gas. i have a quarter of a tank to last me 3 more days. and driving to muncie and back uses a quarter of a tank.but i have to drive to middletown everyday for work and to muncie to work on friday. god. i just wish i could run away. brittany leaves on the 18th. i dont know what the fuck ill do when mom goes crazy on me then. shes the one that keeps me sane in the first place. ill start doing drugs. she thinks im doing them now. wait till i start. ill have no money at all cause ill use it to buy all the drugs i can and then ill be cracked out as hell and skinny as fuck and i wont be able to talk.  ugh. i wish i had gas so i could leave now. uuuuuuu.. one hour left. i might be leaving. i hope so cause i got cute. but if not. oh well.. ill just go to bed. buuuut. ok. thats enough. im just getting pissed. so later.

so. i just got off work. well.. a while ago.. but. i was supposed to get off at 3:45.. i stayed till 4:25. first of all, there was no one to come in to relieve me.. and then i had a customer that i had helped earlier and she came back to get her stuff.. and i had to play the role of "personal shopper" again. i swear. when they hire people, they shouldnt be called, "cashier".. it should be "personal shopper". for real. i dont know how many times i have had to decide for people what they wanted to buy. and one woman.. i had to help her.. and .. omg.. i couldnt stop staring at her lip. i swore she was dead. it was all black and blue.. not like bruising.. like dead skin. then i looked at her face, and her eyes were all dead lookin.. i was like, shit.. shes dead.. lol. but.. ya know.. the dead.. cant.. walk around and.. shop... right??? lol jk. but she was nice.. i ended up picking out a dress for her.. and this one woman. i swear we looked all freakin morning.. like, for real. i had to ignore so many people for her. she didnt know what to wear to her daughters graduation. so.. we looked through all the dresses cause she wanted something "slimming". right on. but yea. i sold instant credit today! yes!!!! that means.. i signed someone up for an LS Ayers card.that was cool. you get prizes for that. i got like, a dollar and an awesome ass candy bar. its so good. ive never seen anything like it before.

so im bored. and im sure its noticable. i ramble alot. but. im not going to ryans till like... 9 or 10. i dunno. i cant wait to see him. OMG. haha this morning. we got up really early. i dont know why. but like, haha.. we were being dumb. he was in a really fiesty mood. so we wrestled around.. and it was so fun. he burnt my cd, cause he was gonna try to steal it. and he had to chase me around to get it. haha. we had so much fun!! and then i had to leave.. and like, i picked up a cd and i was like, whats this cd? and hes like, not yours. put it down. i ws like, no! and took it. so whats he do? sticks his fucking thumb... somewhere not appropriate, and that i DID not want it there.. so i was like, ryan! get your finger out of there!! stop!! get it out!! and so i threw the cd down and he still had it in there so i scream, ryan! i threw down the cd! now get your finger out of there!! and we finished walkin up the stairs and his dad was at the table at the top of the stairs and ryan was like, oh hi dad... and i waslike, hi! lol. and his dad was like, he pester you enough?? i was like, oh god! haha it was funny cause of what he heard.. plus i was screaming all morning. lol. well.. haha

man. im bored. i wanna go do something. but i have to wait.. AH. but but but. i think i am gonna go find something to do anyways! and then i wont be bored! hooray! later.